Rockfest Retro Revue

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Posted by Terry on 03/05/02 - 15:35:04
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Some thoughts on this very frightening line-up of power pop posers, corporate metal hair bands, unskilled Playboy bunnies pretending to sing...)

The list is a testament to why I gave up on FM Radio about 25 years ago.

Ronnie James Dio (check out Rainbow Live--his finest hour; but even his best moments pale beside heavy rockers like The Who, Zepplin, and yes, Ozzie with Black Sabbath)

The Scorpions (the banned "Virgin Killer" LP cover was their finest moment; they wanted to be bad-ass, but they were just sissies)

Deep Purple (semi-worthwhile if Blackmore's really rejoined again--the others are all there.  The founding fathers of a genre: hard rock with dumb lyrics.  "Machine Head" made Black Sabbath sound like Shakespeare.  Progenetors of the phrase: "Wow, man, I don't like the song, but the solos are really great."  Still, when the volume is turned WAYY up, the vapidity might be ignored).

Average White Band (I still find it hard to believe that anyone actually ever liked this band)

Creedence Clearwater Revisited (I always liked Doug and Stu, but without John Fogarty, forget it. If Stu sings "Door to Door" it'll be a highlight--no sarcasm implied, I really thought it was a fun tune on the much-maligned late Creedence album.)

Ted Nugent (play 3 chords, in the same order, over and over again, as loud as possible.  Throw in some words--any old words will do. "Cat Scratch Fever?"  Sure, why the hell not.  With brains like that, I suspect that it ain't Dick Cheney pulling George W.'s strings--it's the NUGE!)

Journey (First three albums--GOOD.  After that--BAD.  VERY VERY BAD.  In fact, one of the two worst things to ever happen in rock history.  I was at Steve Perry's debut show in 1977, in which he was almost booed off the stage.  People couldn't believe a respectable progressive band with jazz/fusion leanings would sell out by hiring a top-40 crooner to seduce the 12 year-old girls. The horror.  The horror.  How can anyone use the words "rock" and "Journey" in the same sentence without laughing?)

Loverboy (like Journey, except they didn't have 3 good albums--they went straight to trite and big bucks from the start)

Blondie (talentless, phony, incapable of making music or engaging an audience in live performance; if you want decent big-name punk, go for the Clash).

George Thorogood (occasionally fun, for about 3 minutes at a time--but please, George, there are more than two chords in the universe.  Might be less boring if you learned one of 'em)

Robert Plant (likely to be good--his solo stuff has been pretty high caliber, even tho' a major departure from Zepplin).

Starship (with Mickey Thomas) (the other "worst thing to ever happen in rock history" (see Journey reference, above). (for an analogy, compare Emerson Lake and Palmer's "Tarkus" from 1972 with "Love Beach" in 1979).

Toto (Just like Journey, except they were never any good before getting stupid)

Poison (thank god Nirvana and Pearl Jam destroyed hair bands overnight in 1990!  I don't even LIKE grunge that much, but if they put the make-up boys to pasture, they must be all right...)

Meat Loaf (loved "Bat"--kinda too Broadway-esque, but well-executed.  The "sequel" from a few years back was suprisingly good--should be fun)

Opinionated today....

Terry in Arlington
Listened to this week: Pink Floyd 04/29/70; ELP 08/12/77; JA 05/06/70; JSTNG 1993 & 2001; Hendrix 1969; Phil & Friends 2001

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