Adventures in meeting Elvis

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Posted by kevin r schmidt on 02/26/02 - 17:05:23
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I was going to post this under Cricket's last post.  But now it seems more appropriate to post it, uh, under you Liz.  Just mentioning Six Feet Under, makes this a better place for the post, as you read on ... kevin

Since we are on the subject of death and cremation is in the news.  I figured I would share this story with all of you about my friend CJ and her departed family.  CJ and I still have a good laugh over this when the subject comes up.    

My friend CJ's parents are divorced.  Her mother was called into the cosmic checkout line seven years ago.  The timing couldn't have been worse because it was just before Memorial Day weekend.  Because it was right on top of the holiday weekend the family had to put the burial off until the end of the following week.  So mom was put on ice for the next week.  The day of the funeral came and the body was put on display in the funeral home.  As I was sitting there quietly, I noticed there was steam beginning to come up from the body.  YUPPERS, it was a hot day and mom was beginning to defrost.  That wasn't all.  CJ went up to the casket for a final viewing of her mother and wanted to place a card in her hands.  So she tried to slip it under her hand and the hand wouldn't move.  The next thing I noticed was that she was having a tug of war and trying to yank the hand up.  I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this.  Fortunately, the Undertaker saw what was happening and told CJ he would take care of it for her.  CJ walked away pissed off and muttering a few fucks in between sentences about her mom being so cold.    

A few weeks later CJ's grandmother (her real father's mother) stepped into the cosmic checkout line.  Her real father and her uncle never showed up at the funeral. Nothing really eventful happened at this funeral.  After the service, her grandmother was cremated and the ashes were sent to Southern California to her uncle for disposal.  Like I said, her parents were divorced and she hadn't seen or heard from her father since they got divorced back in the late 70's. She didn't even hear from him after her mother checked out.  All she knew about him was that he moved to Southern CA, worked as an engineer for JPL, and was very big in NASCAR.  

Last year she got a phone call from a lawyer who was representing her father's estate.  Dad stepped into the cosmic checkout line a few months earlier and she didn't know until the lawyer called her.  Her father's will mentioned three girls by first name only.  CJ, her sister, and someone else.  During the course of the conversation with the lawyer she learned she had a 15 year old half sister, inherited a house, a NASCAR, and a new computer controlled car engine her father designed for a new car he built.  Anyway, when her father died, he was cremated and the ashes were given to his brother for disposal.  CJ's uncle was super cheap and didn't properly dispose of his bother's or mother's ashes.  Her uncle took the ashes of both of them, and stored them in a kitchen cabinet of his brother's home.  

CJ had to go to So CA, and meet with her father's attorney, tour the estate, and meet her newfound sister.  CJ asked me to go with her to So CA, which I agreed to do. When we got to her father's home it was a mess.  So CJ decided that she would spend the weekend cleaning the house.  When we were cleaning the kitchen we found these two plastic bags with no markings of any kind on them.  The contents looked like someone had emptied a vacuum cleaner bag into them.  Not knowing what they were, she threw them in the garbage.  At the end of the weekend we went home and never thought anything of it.  

Two weeks later CJ got another phone call from her father's lawyer wanting to know where her father and grandmother's ashes were.  Now she learned that the ashes were being stored in the kitchen and her uncle couldn't find them.  They wanted to take the ashes of her father and put them in the trunk of the car he had just built for this big race in Nevada.  She told the lawyer she didn't know her father and grandmother's ashes were being stored in his kitchen and the two bags he was talking about were not marked.  Since she had no idea what was in them.  She told the lawyer she threw them out with the rest of the trash when she was cleaning the house.  The lawyer didn't have much to say after hearing the fate of her father and grandmother.  Since they had no ashes to put in the back of the trunk they put a framed picture of father in the trunk.  CJ also got to ride as the copilot during the race, which they won.  

Some people are trash and others are born to be trash ...

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