03/28/02 - 12:28:12
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"The Governments revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosphers into Afghanistan and Israel/Palestine to destroy the morale of the zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
"Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets,' will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.
"Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbrekingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
"Humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmen's endless Gitanes alone could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area."
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